Altar of the Lost Soul

The Altar

I cannot give an exact date and time when innocence and confidence left me.

I only know it was when I was a very young child.

The obligation to go somewhere else outside me was strong, without heart.

Do what they want and need, become like others, study hard, copy them in order to blend in, do not stand out as uncomfortable or odd, above all else, please others, need attention and approval for being good and cleaver. Believe in what others say is true and do without question. Create a lot of things to show off with and to help you feel useful and important.

My Altar of Lost Soul was formed; It was fed daily a rich and varied diet of sweet, salty, bitter and fatty deceptions. I became the High Priestess of my Altar. I worshipped here with discipline, setting goals and carrying on the traditions of my ancestors to make assumptions, honor our habits and addictions and always be right.

Sometimes though my devoted, quiet Soul would break through, I would find myself in a dreamy trance where the mist of daydreams would tiptoe in, ever so gently it would beckon to me;

“Lie down on the soft mossy ground, let go, chew on a blade of grass, imagine and dream.” I did and began relishing in feelings of freedom and bliss. Birds were singing and flitting quietly about delighting in flowers of vibrant colors and aromas. Insect sounds sang me into a sleepy nap. Home.

Suddenly a violent jolt, I am called on to answer a story problem or some other command to know, someone, somewhere is calling out wanting or needing something. I am confused, where am I?

Shocked, sharp and shrill. I was in heaven. Tearing occurs.

No time to think or feel. Numb.. Hurry. Disapproval and anger are waiting, impatiently.

The altar is Hungry.